17. From the Gods, to have good grandfathers, good parents, a good sister, good teachers, good companions, kinsmen, friends—nearly all of them; and that I fell into no trespass against any of them, and yet I had a disposition that way inclined, such as might have led me into something of the sort, had it so chanced; but by the grace of God there was no such coincidence of circumstances as was likely to put me to the test. And that I was not brought up any longer with my grandfather's concubine, and that I kept unstained the flower of my youth; and that I did not make trial of my manhood before the due time, but even postponed it. That I was subordinated to a ruler and a father capable of ridding me of all conceit, and of bringing me to recognize that it is possible to live in a Court and yet do without body-guards and gorgeous garments and linkmen and statues and the like pomp; and that it is in such a man's power to reduce himself very nearly to the condition of a private individual and yet not on this account to be more paltry or more remiss in dealing with what the interests of the state require to be done in imperial fashion. That it was my lot to have such a brother, capable by his character of stimulating me to watchful care over myself, and at the same time delighting me by his deference and affection: that my children have not been devoid of intelligence nor physically deformed. That I did not make more progress in rhetoric and poetry and my other studies, in which I should perhaps have been engrossed, had I felt myself making good way in them. That I lost no time in promoting my tutors to such posts of honour as they seemed to desire, and that I did not put them off with the hope that I would do this later on since they were still young. That I got to know Apollonius, Rusticus, Maximus. That I had clear and frequent conceptions as to the true meaning of a life according to Nature, so that as far as the Gods were concerned and their blessings and assistance and intention, there was nothing to prevent me from beginning at once to live in accordance with Nature, though I still come short of this ideal by my own fault, and by not attending to the reminders, nay, almost the instructions, of the Gods. That my body holds out so long in such a life as mine; that I did not touch Benedicta or Theodotus, but that even afterwards, when I did give way to amatory passions, I was cured of them; that, though often offended with Rusticus, I never went so far as to do anything for which I should have been sorry; that my mother, though she was to die young, yet spent her last years with me. That as often as I had the inclination to help anyone, who was in pecuniary distress or needing any other assistance, I was never told that there was no money available for the purpose; and that I was never under any similar need of accepting help from another. That I have been blessed with a wife so docile, so affectionate, so unaffected; that I had no lack of suitable tutors for my children. That by the agency of dreams I was given antidotes both of other kinds and against the spitting of blood and vertigo; and there is that response also at Caieta, "as thou shalt use it." And that, when I had set my heart on philosophy, I did not fall into the hands of a sophist, nor sat down at the author's desk, or became a solver of syllogisms, nor busied myself with physical phenomena. For all the above the Gods as helpers and good fortune need.
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From the gods: that I had good grandfathers, good parents, a good sister, good teachers, good household companions, relatives, and friends—almost all of them; and that I did not rush into wronging any of them, though I had a disposition from which I might, if circumstances had happened so, have done such a thing. It was the gods’ beneficence that no conjunction of circumstances arose that would have exposed me.
From the gods too: that I was not raised longer by my grandfather’s concubine; that I preserved the bloom of youth and did not become a man before the proper time, but even delayed it; that I was subject to a ruler and father who would strip away all my conceit and bring me to understand that one can live at court without guards, distinctive clothing, lamps, statues, and such display, but can contract one’s life almost to that of a private citizen without becoming meaner or more negligent toward the public duties that a ruler must perform.
That I had such a brother, able by his character to awaken me to care for myself and at the same time to delight me by his esteem and affection; that my children were neither dull nor physically misshapen; that I did not progress further in rhetoric, poetry, and other pursuits in which I might have become absorbed had I felt myself advancing well; that I promptly established my tutors in the honors they seemed to desire and did not put them off with hope for later, since they were still young; that I came to know Apollonius, Rusticus, and Maximus.
That I repeatedly formed a clear conception of what life according to nature is, so that, as far as depended on the gods and on gifts, assistance, and inspirations from there, nothing prevented me from living according to nature at once; though I still fall short through my own fault and through failing to preserve the gods’ reminders and almost direct teachings.
That my body endured so long in such a life; that I touched neither Benedicta nor Theodotus, and later, when caught in erotic passions, recovered; that though I was often angry with Rusticus, I did nothing further that I regretted; that although my mother was destined to die young, she nevertheless lived her last years with me; that whenever I wished to assist someone in poverty or some other need, I was never told I lacked the money, and that I myself never fell into a similar need to receive from another.
That my wife is so compliant, affectionate, and unaffected; that I had ample suitable tutors for my children; that remedies were given through dreams, especially for not spitting blood and not suffering vertigo; and that when I desired philosophy I did not fall into the hands of a sophist, settle down to writing treatises or analyzing syllogisms, or occupy myself with celestial speculation. For all these things require gods who help—and fortune.
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